You know those nagging moments, they sneak upon you when anything discouraging happens and you are tired. "What the point?" you might mutter as you tried for the uncountable time to make peace with someone, and forgive them yet again for hurting you with their words. Or maybe it just a day in a week, month, year or years, and frankly, you have had it. "Why bother, its just going to keep happening." Well, I can tell you with all honesty that yeah, those thing will probably keep happening darn darn it. Like many of us in this last month of the year, of the last single diget before we go double (200 9 to 20 10), I have mulled over things. I mulled that it has been almost ten years since I moved into my current apartment, ten years since I moved out of the shelters, and for what? I know there has to be a point, or perhaps I just can not stand the idea of there not being one. Then, I had to go to the Garage to get something, and when I opened it, it stuck me, there really was more room in there than there used to be. We have been getting rid of stuff, horribly slow, but doing it. I am still fat, but fitter than I was and I am getting my Master's Degree. O.K. we don't have our own place yet, many folks don't. Yet, next week my youngest child will turn 18. Oh I am not done as a Parent, that will never be. I just simply don't change their diapers anymore (thank you Lord for good favors!), and they can pretty much in a pinch feed themselves, and keep themselves clean (with an occastional kick in the pants reminders from a civlized female...).  The point? I think most of us are not where we want to be, or expected to be. Some are surprised, many more are disappointed. How you take it really is a matter of attitude. So when I get that nagging feeling of failure or not good enough, I kick it to curb. Failure means I gave up, and I am not doing that. It also means that while the path is not straight to the goal, the travel has made me better for when I do get to the Goal. I figure as long as I reach the country I am aiming for (heaven) all the rest is just sceanery for the ride. So next time you feel like it is all worthless, pointless, and just want to give up. It is ok to cry, pain happens. Then sign and breath because the point is, to keep pointing and moving, it might be in another way or it might be to rest for a bit, but its not to sit down and dig your grave. That is the job for someone else to do for you, long after you are gone. So, chin up, chest forward, and keep marching. If you get lost, ask for help, lots of us traveling the same way and there are no rules that say you have to go at it alone, in fact, compaions are strongly recommended.

Blessed travels this season
Nancy Louise

We have only until Midnight. Have you voted yet? Deaf Hope is an organization that helps Deaf, Hard of Hearing, and Hearing Impaired Women and children who are surviors of sexual abuse to get back to where they are no longer the victims. Chase Community is giving away 5 million dollars combine to the top 100 vote geters. If Deaf Hope is in that top 100, they will get $25,000.00 much needed dollars. Please help by voting NOW for their organization and spread the word!

November 23, 2009, in Geneva, CERN had two circulating beams bring first collusion. CERN as some of you might recall from media in 2008, was where they might find the "God particles" also known as the Higgs-boson particles. As near as this totally amateur fan of science can understand, this particles IF found, would help to answer many questions about where mass lets off and becomes a photon (electromagnetic). The God reference is unfortunet because really it has nothing to do with God and everything to do with a media sensation. Still, some whispers are that the particals will have to be so strong and so fast we might actually create a microsopic atomic black hole. Others say the chance of that is miniscule.

Meanwhile over here in California, Avent will start on Sunday.  It does make me wonder what this CERN will bring to us, new discoveries for the good mostly or our ultimate destruction? I supposed it really depends on who gets the knowleage. So folks, will the Earth swallow itself in a black hole? Will we discover time travel? Will the partical lead to new twisted ways for our future children to learn math? Will any of this help us stop fighting so much?

Hummm I am quite frankly trusting that God will take care of the particles business. As for discoveries, hummm What if we could find a way to turn the outer skin of spaceships to be "read" as mass less and be able to slip through space faster than light? Because light, it has been found, DOES have mass, just very very little. So if something has NO mass, can it even exist and if so, how fast can or does it move? What does this mean in terms of computer storage and building? I think things will be found, and it will not be the black hole. At least not one that can destroy us immediately. I could be wrong of course, but there is a lot of energy that comes from making black holes and huge amounts of mass. So I think we are pretty safe. There are those that say the reason we have not been able to get the project going, is because people from the future are trying to keep us from making the discovery that destroys us. Could that be? Then they have their work cut out for them, and we will be living in a loop for eternity till God himself says, ENOUGH.

Night all...

Nancy Louise

BTW it was at CERN that the World Wide Web was born as opposed to the Internet (in 1969) which was born in the USA (California!).

I can cook, really I can, I just don't do it much. Now by cooking I do not mean the microwave zip, zap, stuff method, or the fried food (unless you are camping and then there is an art to it). No I mean the fresh raw ingrediants and other tanglibles pulled together and make a meal. Right now, I will be making Sweet Potato, Pumkin Pie. Yes there is a combo recipie for it. I will make it now so it is ready in time. We tend to eat all week for Thanksgiving, not just on the THE day. The bird however is saved for the day and after. I have yet to go the duck or goose route for Thanksgiving but I am sure I will. For now, it will be the pie, the potatoes (mashed and lumpy), Yams and salads all pulled together from home made. The only exception? Cranberries. Yeah, we be the canned variety types. I can just hear my friends back east shuddering.

Its the cool to cold weather that beckons me to the kitchen. I can finally stand to be in the heat of it all, chopping, cooking, and allowing the washing baptism of heat and sweat that comes with such labor. I might also add some home made Ravoli with turkey to help eat that down, and great for freezing as well. I no longer do caning or pickling as both are high in sugar, salt, and other unhealthy to eat. We have access to power so that what I will use to store food for the family. Another reason to get back to the kitchen, is my youngest son and his homework paper. He was asking about Traditions we had. I was stumped. Now as a family that is fully Americanized and living in the middle of one's culture, noticing what we do for tradtion that is stand out from others, is hard. Easy to see in others, but not in one's self. We finally chose our Catholic Faith of celebrating Advent first and Christmas to little Christmas in January. So he added that. I then begin to mull over my culinary traditions. Now I know I have them, but I simply do not know where their roots come from. There is a lot of Mexican, Chinese cooking methods, Southern, and Northern Midwest as in Candadian. Jamcian, Irish, and some German fill out the rest that I know of. My husband's family seemed mostly WWII cooking methods and of what can be boiled in water variety. Hence Pasta, packaged speggtie spices, and tomato paste, macroni and cheese (old fashion before Krafts), and hamburgers were their norms. I am sure that reflects some kind of culture, but I for one can not put a name to it. Neither can my husband. This is not to dismiss it, but simply in the everyday living of life here in the bay area, it was never catgorized because there was no need.

I grew up more worldly ( I guess) because my father grew up with a Mother from Texas and a Father from Jamica who were well aware of the world out there and loved good cooking. Beans and Rice was a staple, but the variety of ways it was made was great. Their Dad being a professional chef, would cook for them on special occasions. (he was the head chef for the Silver Zepher Amtrack Trains during the 20's). So, we have culture, we just do not always know what to call it for labling. So I want to get back to the kitchen to try and basically recall and lable what I know, so I can past it on down to my boys while they are still interested. This too, is tradition.

Happy Holidays all,
Nancy Louise

Thanksgiving is not a religious holiday, yet it is full of many myths handed down over the years about when the first one started. That might have started as a reason to celebrate, but the reason we keep doing it, has more I think to do with the gathering of the dark, the harvest, and the simple need to reconnect. These days for the first time in human history (as we know it) more humans live in cities all over the world than they do in rural areas. So the Harvest is no longer a deeply felt ritual for those of us with abundant shelves of food to pick from. So why do we continue? Habit? Commercials? Memories of traditions past? The hope that "This year it will be perfect?", or do we all really like turkey, gravy, and the trimmings all that much? It can be all or none, or most likely bits and pieces. The one thing that ties it, is the reminder, to be thankful. So if the relative you are with, hurts you (again), or insults your cooking, or what ever the old nags left around to still bother. Breathe, and be thankful of at least the four things.

1. That you are still alive.
2. That you are loved, you are, by God at the very least.
3. That there is food to be had.
4. There is more to life than if the turkey comes out perfect (or not).

Joyous Thanksgiving Holidays everyone.
Nancy Louise